Christmas Spirit

Merry Christmas Eve my friends, family, customers, and followers. I hope you all are enjoying this day and evening doing what makes you happy. I hope you have a blessed Christmas Day.  I was sitting at a table in my candy store reflecting on a few things tonight.

I was asked this week why I was going to be open today, the customers who have came in were very grateful I was open. They needed last minute stocking stuffers, gifts, and gift cards. I was open tonight until 8:00. I decided to be open until 8:00 incase there was someone from another store or restaurant that closes at 6:00 who needed a gift.

As I was sitting in the store writing this I was wondering when my “mystery” man will show up. What am I talking about? The past few weeks I would watch a Christmas movie on Hallmark or another channel and according to the movie plots, my new boyfriend should have walked through the doors tonight as my Christmas miracle. However, we don’t live in movies where things like that happens. Although if one of my readers have had the “Hallmark” movie meeting your significant other, please share. I guess I’ll just have to wait to find Mr. Right, I doubt he will walk through the doors of a candy store.

My New Year’s post will be a reflective of my 2017. This one is a remembrance of Christmases past and the Christmas spirit.

When I was a kid, I had the Christmas Spirit, I believed in the magic of Christmas. I remember Christmases growing up, coming down the stairs (around 5:00am) and seeing all the presents in the living room. We all had particular spots in the living room where our presents would be which was predetermined by Santa from as long back as I can remember and the pictures I have show. Each year my sister, brother and myself would have something that we asked Santa for along with things Santa thought we needed like new socks, deodorant, toothbrush, etc.

One of my favorite gifts I got as a kid was a guitar. I was so excited to get it. I taught myself how to play. Yes, besides being talented with candy, I am musical but it’s been a very long time since I’ve played, I don’t think I’d remember. I also played the flute and organ. I was really good with the organ played that well into my adulthood. Gave up the guitar and hated the flute. I have a great picture of my dad in the kitchen joking around with the guitar that Christmas morning, every time I look at it I smile. I really miss my dad.

As I got older I lost the Christmas spirit. I’m not sure if it was my marriage or just something inside me or both. I just remember not believing in the spirit of Christmas for at least the past 20 years. The past few years have been particularly bad with not believing.

The past two years, I have “hidden” from Christmas by spending it with a friend in Nashville. Since my dad and Aunt passed away in April 2014, Christmases have been sad. I usually get depressed around this time of year and so hiding in Nashville was my way of coping. My friend and I would watch movies or shows and talk. I actually spent major holidays with this friend in 2015 and 2016. But then 2017 when I decided to do a complete overhaul on my career/life, I was unable to go to Nashville for the holidays, which has made me sad to.

Did I mention that the day after Christmas was my dad’s birthday? Depending on how things worked, like my dad’s work schedule (he was a long-haul truck driver), we would celebrate it on Christmas Day or on the actual day. I get really sad on the day after Christmas because my dad is no longer here and then I keep remembering how he passed and that gets me crying.

Earlier this month, we lost my Uncle, who was like a second father to me. My mom is now the last of that generation of our family living. This year for the first time I am feeling homesick. I miss my friends and family in Pennsylvania. I am not sure when I will get up there to visit them again. I love my friends down here, but I’d like to see my friends and family in Pennsylvania sometime.

I know that believing in the spirit of Christmas comes from the heart, I am starting to get the spirit of Christmas back in my heart since opening the candy store. Seeing the kids when they come into the candy store smile and have that “wow” look in their eyes helps regain some magic and spirit. The support and love I have from friends, family, customers, and followers also helps. I just feel like my heart was broken for so many years for so many reasons that I need to repair it somehow before the spirit will fully return.

Maybe when the spirit of Christmas returns to my heart completely I’ll have that “Hallmark” movie plot with love.

There are a lot of factors that affect someone’s ability to believe in the spirit of Christmas. We need to help each other believe again in the magic. If you have lost it, it will come back. I can feel mine coming back with the help of this small town of York, South Carolina. I feel like I have somewhere I belong, which I have not had for a very very long time.

If you run into someone who says “Bah Humbug” or says Christmas is just another day or are sad, don’t make fun of them or belittle their feelings. Maybe try asking why they feel that way. It could be that they are missing someone, they lost their job, their kids aren’t coming home, they can’t pay their bills, or a ton of various other reasons. Never assume it’s just a bad attitude. We all need to show some kindness in this world and we can start with one person at a time. You have the Christmas spirit, spread it instead of hoarding it. You may just change someone’s life.

Thank you to my friends, family, customers, followers, and the community of York, SC for helping me slowly regain the spirit of Christmas. It will take some more time, but this is the closest I’ve come to believing in the magic in over 20 years and it’s because of where I am and those I surround myself with.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. I love you all!

You are loved!
Making spirits bright

2 thoughts on “Christmas Spirit”

  1. I read your blog,as I read i had questions come to mind I hope you dont mind me asking.Do you have children from your marrisge?.You didnt mention any.I was just wondering.Another thing,I thought maybe your mom had passed because you said you had spent Christmas with your friend for a few years.I just assumed your mom had passed too but you mentioned her still being alive.Since I am strong in family ties especially this time of year I was just wondering if your mom had lost her Christmas spirit also because it didnt seem like you spend Christmas together.Just wondering,I hope you dont think Im prying to much.Im just sad that you have had no Christmas spirit for 20 years.

    1. Hi Reita,
      I don’t mind answering questions. I do not have children from my marriage. When I was younger, I had made a decision not to have kids – I will write a blog about that at some point. My ex knew when he met me I didn’t want kids (that didn’t stop him from trying to pressure me to have kids), then after we were married, I was glad for that decision (and sticking to it), again another blog I’ll write. I do love kids, I just felt I barely had enough strength to take care of myself in a marriage that I didn’t want to add kids to the mix.

      My mom is alive. I talk to her often. Our relationship had been strained for a while. When my dad passed it got worse before it got better. I relocated because I needed to focus on me and I needed to be away from my family for various reasons. My mom and I have actually made peace with the past and we have communicated better in 2017 than in past years. I talked to her every day when I was traveling between Charlotte, NC and York, SC this spring/summer with the opening of the candy store.

      I think my mom lost the Christmas spirit after my dad passed away in 2014. When he was alive he was always so excited about Christmas that it poured over into her. For me I had lost it during my marriage. Christmas was not a big deal for my ex and his family. Then since things were not the best with my ex I just kind of gave up on Christmas spirit. The strain with my family did not help over the years for my Christmas spirit. If you read my blog on PTSD I would get anxiety attacks at family dinners at the holidays. Spending Christmas with my friend in Nashville was an escape for me and kept me mentally grounded, but still kept the Christmas spirit away. This year was the first year in a long time I would have like to have been with my family.

      I don’t mind answering question about my life. It is sad it’s been 20 years without Christmas spirit, but it will come back. I felt a little come back this year. My regular customers have been fabulous and my friends have helped too. It will come back.

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